WWW:
· You’ve delivered a 600+ word essay and covered a range of very good points that relate to the question – well done! I really like your introduction and agree with your initial opinion on the question.
· You’ve picked out some key points from the lessons we did on this topic such as the changes to how audiences can access media products due to the internet. I particularly like the specific statistics and examples you’ve included such as how much artists make from Spotify and the use of citizen journalism when George Floyd was murdered by police. Examples and statistics are important and make your argument much more convincing – more of this please!
· This is a good start in developing our writing for extended essay responses – both Media exams have 20-mark essays in them.
EBI:
· The challenge now is to add more depth and sophistication to our responses. Although you’ve written 680 words, I feel like you could have added more depth to some paragraphs. Your knowledge and confidence in answering in class doesn’t always translate to marks on a page.
· You need to work on written English – spelling, punctuation and grammar. Basic errors like a/an could make an examiner think you are working at a much lower level than you actually are.
· Work on your topic sentences. The topic sentence is the first sentence in a new paragraph and it needs to clearly link to the essay question (therefore referring to audiences, industry and power) and signpost to your reader what the following paragraph will cover.
2)689
3)My paragraph about music because it had a lot of detail compared to my others.
4)My paragraph about Newspaper was my weakest this is because of the lack of information and detail.
5)I should use more detail and information in the future.
6)I have learned it has had both positive and negativ
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